posted on August 05, 2009 00:10
Let’s just say that the biggest understatement of the year is that I had a great time at Camp Hollywood. I danced until I literally couldn’t take another step. I ended the weekend the way I began it – with a phenomenal Lindy Hop, this time ending with twelve consecutive spins after a swingout. Sigh. It was lovely. The whole weekend was lovely and tons of fun. I got to spend time with the people I have come to think of as my people, my tribe. And they keep me sane and grounded, as this past weekend away kept me sane and grounded. I didn’t need to go anywhere far to get a big mental break and it was one that I desperately needed. I returned back to my apartment yesterday and although I was tired and sore, I was more than ready to work.
This weekend showed me just how much I want to be able to spend more time writing and dancing, and most importantly, be able to spend it with the people I cherish. The memories I have of this weekend are something that I can never lose, something that will always remain in my mind and in my heart. There were so many fun and beautiful moments that I think words would actually somehow diminish the wonderfulness of this weekend. And they’re lovely, lovely memories – including a beautiful evening with a beautiful man that I believe I have fallen quite hard for. At the very least, the evening awakened a part of me that I had hoped was dulled for the time being because…well, for me, I was hoping to have my life more squared away and everything in it’s proper place before I let my heart take control. But life is not about neat little packages or ribbons and bows – it’s messy and dirty and sometimes there is no logic to your feelings and emotions. They are what they are, and you can’t always change how you feel. So after a day of fighting with myself, I decided to just go with it. And I did and now I know that no matter what happens, I have a wonderful and beautiful memory that will always have a special place in my heart. And while I know that it’s too early to tell anything, I also know that I can’t remember the last time I felt this way and it’s amazing. I’m finding a balance between my head and my heart.
I took the day off of work yesterday, knowing full well that I would be in no condition whatsoever to go in after dancing all night, and spent yesterday getting my life in more order. I made phone calls that needed to be made, got my apartment more organized in preparation for setting up my own office, and clearing my physical space now that my mental space was cleaned. I always knew that what I needed to live in Los Angeles was a break from the city about every quarter, and I was long overdue. Now I feel that I have the space and energy to actually work and get things done. Tonight I tackled my giant mountain of laundry from the weekend, cooked dinner, and still managed to do some writing.
And speaking of writing, I’ve been having some steady developments. I’m contacting the first agent I’ve ever spoken to in preparation for launching one of my longer term projects. I’m excited and terrified at the same time, but I know that I need to keep moving. The more I move, the more things keep lining up and the more things start to happen. So this week is all about taking action. I will be calling said agent, saying what, I have no clue yet, will also be contacting the Writer’s Guild West for advice, and will start exploring the ins and outs of the contract and negotiation process. So I have a busy week ahead of me, and hopefully will have good news to report. Regardless, I’m sure it will be informative and entertaining, and hopefully I will be one step closer to being a full-time writer. I’m closing my eyes, and stepping into the sweet oblivion of not knowing, and it feels fantastic.